February Humor

A man goes hiking. he gets tired after a while and finds a cave to rest in he sees a shining light at the end of the tunnel its a magic lamp he rubs it and a genie pops out.
The genie says, "I will give you three wishes but there's a catch, everything you wish for your wife gets double."
So the man says okay.
First he wishes for a convertible, the genie says, "OK your wife gets double."
Then he wishes for a million dollars, the genie says, "OK your wife gets double."
Then his last wish is, "Beat me half to death."



Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey.
The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & d*ed.
"All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?"
"Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."



A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to.
When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."



Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a blonde who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect blonde? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect blonde. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."





A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

January Humor

Two local farmers in Ohio besides growing crops liked to collect unique animals from all over the world to see who could out do who. Charlie had a talking chicken and a pig that like to tell stories as well as talk to everyone, Harry the other farmer had a talking duck and he had Ed the talking horse, you remember Mister Ed .

Well Charlie purchased a bull and cow combination that cost him plenty of money so he called  Harry up and told him to come over and see them, well Harry told him he would be over just a soon as his new talking Zebra arrived.

A week later Harry pulled up to Charlies front door with a horse trailer in tow, Chartlie came out to say hello and see what Harry had, so harry showed him Ted the talking Zebra. Charlie was impressed, he said come with me I will show you my two new animals.

So Harry followed Charlie with Ted  the Zebra in tow,  and Charlie pointed to the bull and cow in the pasture and said they both talk why dont you leave Ted the Zebra here and you  and I will go have lunch at my house.

So they headed  to the house and Ted started walking toward the cow and bull but he was stoped by a voice from behind him, “ asking what are you?”  as he turned to see who was talking he said I am Ted a Zebra, “what are you?” Sally the chicken spoke up and said I am a chicken and I give eggs to the farmer. The Pete the pig said, “I am a pig and I will supply the farmer with ham and baccon”.

Ted smiled and said good bye and walked over to the cow, Ted said “hello my name is Ted I am a talking Zebra”, who are you? Betty the cow answered , I am a cow named Betty and I give milk to the farmer. Ted turned to the bull and ask, “ who are you?” and “what do you do?​”. The bull looked at Ted and said my name is Thunder, “ and you take off those fancy pajamas I will show you what I do.”

Loyal Secretary Joke

Bernice had been employed at the same office for over 50 years and was the boss’s top secretary. Everyone was jealous of her. Every day when Bernice showed up for work she would open the drawer to her left, peek inside, and then lock it. When she finally died, her coworker Sandy, who was dying of curiosity, made it her mission to figure out what was in that drawer.

After days of searching she finally found the key. Sweating with excitement she slowly opened up the drawer. Inside was a folded piece of paper. Slowly she reached inside and took it out, while cautiously looking over her shoulder. After a few seconds of trepidation she opened it up.

It said the following “Put only one spoonful of sugar in the boss’s coffee.”

Business is Business

The business I work for had a dinner together with all family members. Before the first speech, the emcee gave the following announcement, “we kindly ask if you can please put all cell phones and children on vibrate.”

 Thanks for  being here with me and may I wish you a Happy 2014.