Monday, May 13, 2013

First, a Little Entertainment


You guys hear the one about the concerned husband who goes to a doctor to talk about his wife? He says, "Doc, I think my wife is deaf, cause she never hears me the first time, and always asks me to repeat things." Doc says, "Well, go home tonight and stand about fifteen feet from her and say something. If she doesn't reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness." The husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about fifteen feet from his wife, who's in the kitchen chopping vegetables, and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" No response from the wife. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Wife says, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

Remember: there are three types of people in the world: Those who can count, and those who can't.

What's the definition of Australian aristocracy? A man who can trace his lineage back to his father.

Hey, you know what a zebra is?26 sizes larger than an A-bra.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a skin doctor?A pachyderma-tologist.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?Quatro sinko.
Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?To find a tight seal.

How do you turn a fox into a cow?Marry her.